do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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