is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
