so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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