Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
