Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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