So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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