He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
