You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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