i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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