there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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