I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
