ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My Higher Power is John Stamos
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
