True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
