Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
