Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
