9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
