i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
