I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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