I need help removing her.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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