I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
