The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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