you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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