Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
