i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
