her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
