Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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