I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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