i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We named our party play list daddy issues
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
