Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
