my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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