Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
