my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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