He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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