Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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