dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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