I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
