and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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