so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
