So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
