Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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