You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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