If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
