Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
