the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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