u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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