So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
