He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
