my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
