I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
