what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
