Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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