I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
