I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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