hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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