last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
