Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
