I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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