youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
