pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
