someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
