Pants 0. Shit 1.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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