I feel like abortions should bother me more
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
