battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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