You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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