I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
