oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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