a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
