Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
