We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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