He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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