plz talk dirty to me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
