Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
