I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
