when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i think i just lost a toe
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
