is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We got so high we made milksteak
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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