Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
