He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
