is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
