Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
