OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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