Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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