So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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