Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
