The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she told me i tasted like america
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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